![]() A committed libertarian, he originally staffed the Parks and Rec department with as many incompetents as possible so it would barely function, thus enabling it to do what he believes government should – absolutely nothing. And women are brought to him, maybe.when he desires them.” Ron has it all figured out: “The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. Ron believes that government should basically be dismantled, except for perhaps one man who sits in a small room at a desk and decides who to nuke. ![]() Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."Ĭhallenge… reconciling his suspicion of government with his job running a government agency. He has exercised his bitterness enough to devise some practical tips: “The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Relationship Status… twice-divorced – both times to women named Tammy. It’s more than an interest – it’s his life’s calling. His fridge is stocked with bacon and eggs, or as he calls it, “real food.” His office has a framed picture of bacon and eggs. If Ron goes to a strip club, the only thing he cares about is the breakfast buffet. Interests… hunting, maintaining his moustache, and breakfast food. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. As he says, “I've been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this Parks Department to build any parks because I don't believe in government. Profession… director of the Pawnee City Department of Parks and Recreation, a wing of a bureaucracy he is actively working to limit in size. Given Ron’s desire to live off the grid, there’s no place he’d rather be. Apparently they believed that consulting a “magic scroll” that could let you know exactly where you were at any given moment was too close to witchcraft. The way he tells it, the town’s early settlers pushed a federal mandate through Congress banning the City of Pawnee’s likeness from all local, state and government maps. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.Living… in Pawnee, Ind., a town that to Ron’s delight isn’t even technically on the map.I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. I’m not interested in caring about people. The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am.When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.It’s like yoga except I still get to kill something. ![]() Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Ron, would you like a salad? Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not.When I eat, it is the food that is scared.Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk. There’s only on thin I hate more than lying.I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio. America: The only country that matters.Capitalism is the only way … It makes America great, England OK and France terrible.The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so.Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee. My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for profit corporations, like Chuck E. I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money.When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!.Child labor laws are ruining this country.The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.Am I interrupting anything important? Impossible.
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